Alone Lost Soul

                                                 

Alone Lost Soul

 

Here awaken by the drearry night
Alone and fearful of what yet to come
Solitude, as one keeps to himself
With thoughts running through his mind
With no friends to guide the alone mind
Just a man with himself to understand
one soul lost in the wilderness
Overlooked being without care
Vanished in the deep thoughts of the disease mind
As the mind searches for the answers
When the alone lost soul was searching for

the light out of the trail of gloom
The lost soul was in the wasteland of melancholy
Forgotten by the world he once recognized
Searching for the protection from all the misery
Being bothered and haunted by the memories
of the past times

Torn each way and broken into pieces
finally the alone lost soul fights off the

Conflict of his mind and soul
 being freed from the thoughts in his mind

Allows him to no longer be lost but  now found …

standing at the sunraise
i seek answers
for the future
that i know nothing about
the footsteps that i have left behind
 I have been careful  not to stumble
and still I am  left with  scars!!!
sympathy, i do not want;
So I'm  riding the wave of struggles and hardship
that brought me here, and  i stand all alone;
with explanations, i do not need for the past;
life has become a big question
for which i am seeking a
simple answer – to my question ???
I have noone to answer my question !
standing at the sunset, so afraid of the darkness that surrounds me
I am just seeking a simple answer , as the darkness lingered on
and the light filtered in from above, all along i had built a brick wall
to protect me from the rush of madness a wall so strong and so comfortable
it broke into pieces when you came around standing tall amidst broken lives
no one cares if you stay back to pick up the pieces or make a run to the nearest exit;
with darkness all around me, i patiently walk around desperately seeking an answer
i just close my eyes and try to weather the storm brewing inside me!
listening to the voice inside that is dying to come out,
I search for means to keep myself sane!
I try to forgive and forget, but memories cling on
how can I forgive,
I don’t have the time to put up with your worries,Things need to change now,
Cuz what you do, I cant handle it,
Maybe I need to do something, I just don’t know what.
Cuz you’re one of the few, That makes me go back to the past.
For now I’m letting it go, I’m going to try and forget,
But just to let you know, I’m not going to forgive.
You hurt me like you’ll never understand,
 but now I am  not afraid of the darkness that surrounds me
i was just seeking a simple answer but instead
I’m going to move on...

The Sickness

When you become what you used to hate,
when you invite depression into your life,
when you have no control of yourself
you become the sickness

It has control over you
It leads you down an awful path
It holds the emotions you hide in the darkness
your consumed by the sickness

When there are no options left ,
When all you say are lies,
when the hope of being good stops circulating thought your veins

The sickness has you
The sickness is you

You created your own misery by reliving your past
Those bad feelings cant stop racing in the broken mind that you keep
You lost all care for yourself
For love, life and even Choosen goals

Your emotions are strong
your depression is deep
This sickness is strong
This sickness is deep

It has you
It has control over you
it is you

so your dreams are no longer your dreams

When you blame everyone for your own mistakes
When can not feel anything but unstable
when you can no longer conform within the world

You start to your show your true Feelings
but none of it makes sense
now out comes the Anger
and your now a prisioner of Rage

In your own mind
This is all right
But in our world
 its is  not understood

You allowed the sickness to take you
And that is when we lost you
and you lost yourself

While wandering the streets
as you never did before
trying to dissociate yourself from your own family
walking right into a life with no dreams no future
looking to embrace this new life
you made for yourself

Dangerously running
more sicker than eva
Desperatly needing to
escape from the pain
your Emotions come out
but you still refuse to get Help

When distorted thoughts are locked in your head
When the past enters your mind of what could of been
When you view your family as just another bad memory
and you welcome your new twisted thoughts and the streets as your new home

your playing with your future and ruining your own life
you commited a crime
now your life is in the hands of a judge
instead of a loving family

Confused & lost in this maddness you created
trapped in your own mind
You continue to follow the pattern that
gives you the concept of happiness while drifting you into the bottoms of hell

To think this is the life you choose for yourself

Broken and Torn
crushed by a moment of complete insanity
Hoping against tomorrow
but still confined to your destorbed thoughts
you still cant see how you made all the wrong chooses

your mind is no longer your mind

This mind once housed
thoughts,
memories,
dreams

This mind now holds
many racing thoughts
The memories that turned sour
and the dreams that are no more
there now replaced with sleepless nights

your vision is blurry
your ideas are obsurd
your heart is full of Hate

you now have sick thoughts
whispering through
the cracks of your broken mind

The remaining pieces
now plagued
with unrelenting numbness
and indifference

you cant see it
its locked inside you

This is the Reality

The sickness has you
And this sickness is you
and if you dont get help
This sickness will hold your mind for all of time .........

written about mental illness  for my son Alex .

I didn’t want to hear

I didn’t want to hear
that you were unhappy
And I wish I didn't care. But I do ,
And I just want to pretend
That the problems aren't there.
But really all I do is care for you,
As you continue with many sleepless nights .
I feel for you when your suffering .
The pain you're in now , Pains me too.
You don't think this affects me, But it does .
I know everything is so complicated for you right now
I just want to shield you from this cruel world.
So when you let your Anger control you
Rather than your head. Problems and difficulty
Are the payment that you get , And it seems its more
Important to you to Blame Me for everything ,
Instead of focusing on the real issue
Even though the truth is upsetting ,
That you have this hatred for me .
I don't believe ,I've wasted my time on you .
Because I love no matter what and
will always wish the best for you
but you don’t feel the same for me
I just have to question . Where is the truth?
That's all I wanted from you
But Instead all I get is your intense discontent
and the yelling that goes with it, When ever I spoke
I simply got ignored , My words meant nothing to you ,
I just have to wonder, Is there any meaning to this pain?
Those hidden tears and unheard cries ,
Are damaging to your mind and mine too .
You keep yourself Isolated from others .
You're Angry and Depressed
And there's nothing I can do.
So now, it's up to you,
All you have to do .
Is show me you can smile,
That's all I want not ,
So please, don't shut me out,
I just want to see you happy.

Written about my teenage son Alex

If you look at what you have in life, You'll always have more. If you look at what you don't have in life, You'll never have enough.

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Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving -- Dale Carnegie