The Sickness

When you become what you used to hate,
when you invite depression into your life,
when you have no control of yourself
you become the sickness

It has control over you
It leads you down an awful path
It holds the emotions you hide in the darkness
your consumed by the sickness

When there are no options left ,
When all you say are lies,
when the hope of being good stops circulating thought your veins

The sickness has you
The sickness is you

You created your own misery by reliving your past
Those bad feelings cant stop racing in the broken mind that you keep
You lost all care for yourself
For love, life and even Choosen goals

Your emotions are strong
your depression is deep
This sickness is strong
This sickness is deep

It has you
It has control over you
it is you

so your dreams are no longer your dreams

When you blame everyone for your own mistakes
When can not feel anything but unstable
when you can no longer conform within the world

You start to your show your true Feelings
but none of it makes sense
now out comes the Anger
and your now a prisioner of Rage

In your own mind
This is all right
But in our world
 its is  not understood

You allowed the sickness to take you
And that is when we lost you
and you lost yourself

While wandering the streets
as you never did before
trying to dissociate yourself from your own family
walking right into a life with no dreams no future
looking to embrace this new life
you made for yourself

Dangerously running
more sicker than eva
Desperatly needing to
escape from the pain
your Emotions come out
but you still refuse to get Help

When distorted thoughts are locked in your head
When the past enters your mind of what could of been
When you view your family as just another bad memory
and you welcome your new twisted thoughts and the streets as your new home

your playing with your future and ruining your own life
you commited a crime
now your life is in the hands of a judge
instead of a loving family

Confused & lost in this maddness you created
trapped in your own mind
You continue to follow the pattern that
gives you the concept of happiness while drifting you into the bottoms of hell

To think this is the life you choose for yourself

Broken and Torn
crushed by a moment of complete insanity
Hoping against tomorrow
but still confined to your destorbed thoughts
you still cant see how you made all the wrong chooses

your mind is no longer your mind

This mind once housed
thoughts,
memories,
dreams

This mind now holds
many racing thoughts
The memories that turned sour
and the dreams that are no more
there now replaced with sleepless nights

your vision is blurry
your ideas are obsurd
your heart is full of Hate

you now have sick thoughts
whispering through
the cracks of your broken mind

The remaining pieces
now plagued
with unrelenting numbness
and indifference

you cant see it
its locked inside you

This is the Reality

The sickness has you
And this sickness is you
and if you dont get help
This sickness will hold your mind for all of time .........

written about mental illness  for my son Alex .

I didn’t want to hear

I didn’t want to hear
that you were unhappy
And I wish I didn't care. But I do ,
And I just want to pretend
That the problems aren't there.
But really all I do is care for you,
As you continue with many sleepless nights .
I feel for you when your suffering .
The pain you're in now , Pains me too.
You don't think this affects me, But it does .
I know everything is so complicated for you right now
I just want to shield you from this cruel world.
So when you let your Anger control you
Rather than your head. Problems and difficulty
Are the payment that you get , And it seems its more
Important to you to Blame Me for everything ,
Instead of focusing on the real issue
Even though the truth is upsetting ,
That you have this hatred for me .
I don't believe ,I've wasted my time on you .
Because I love no matter what and
will always wish the best for you
but you don’t feel the same for me
I just have to question . Where is the truth?
That's all I wanted from you
But Instead all I get is your intense discontent
and the yelling that goes with it, When ever I spoke
I simply got ignored , My words meant nothing to you ,
I just have to wonder, Is there any meaning to this pain?
Those hidden tears and unheard cries ,
Are damaging to your mind and mine too .
You keep yourself Isolated from others .
You're Angry and Depressed
And there's nothing I can do.
So now, it's up to you,
All you have to do .
Is show me you can smile,
That's all I want not ,
So please, don't shut me out,
I just want to see you happy.

Written about my teenage son Alex

If you look at what you have in life, You'll always have more. If you look at what you don't have in life, You'll never have enough.

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Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving -- Dale Carnegie

Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater. Give her sperm, she will give you a baby. Give her a house, she will give you a home. Give her groceries, she will give you a meal. Give her a smile and she will give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what she is given. So if you give her crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.

AN AWFUL PLACE

You live your life in an awful place
it's called the past .
You let the past come back into your life and now your past is haunting you. You need to face it and then You need to let it go before it's too late and the past steals away your future .
The past was so upsetting that it made you forget everything,
including the good times .
Now Your life has become nothing but a blur
and the walls of reality are closing in on you .
When you live in the past you get stuck there and can't move on .
Having to deal with those emotions makes you crazy
and the feelings you have caused to many sleepless nights
All you can do is complain instead of listen that
Life is more than your wants and needs .
Soon You will realize that the dreams you had in the past ,
will no longer exist .
When they are replaced with new dreams ,
that you create with every new day .
Every day will soon become your past .
These are now the walls of your reality
It's that awful place you
called the past
Is now called your awful Future ......

Undecided

Undecided
after a lifetime in doubt
So you go back in time to when you used to smile
Rewind
to have everything back
But it’s to late
while your need to feel loved
Is still so strong

So you are running at a loss
inside the cocktail
Your drinking
In the night
For a love that’s not for you.
Maybe that's wrong,
Maybe that's how
you accidentally : lost it all

An Endless Path

An Endless Path

An endless path of ruined dreams
TODAY that is where you stand
It’s hurtful to remain OVERLOOKED
While you’re uncontrollable CRYING continues
PAIN has now become your friend
DEPRESSION is now all to familiar to you
Wanting to end your life is something
you now defend
When you know it’s not right inside
Your so FORGIVING, CARING and STRONG
So how do theses good qualities end up being your
Bad ones ?
When your CARING has gone to far
You look for support , but it’s never there
It’s always about others and NEVER ABOUT YOU
Even though you hide your feeling so well
They have been there for far too long
You used to smile and laugh
Your entrance lights up a room so easily
But that has not occurred in a while
Not since your life has changed so drastically
I wish life weren’t so tough , for you
It really can beat us down in a single strike
When we know there’s nothing we can do
Even if we try to act strong,
We can’t change how others treat us
But we can change our own lives
You need to take care of yourself before
caring for others .
I know it’s been hard to say NO to others
You can change by NOT CARING so much
For the ones that Don’t Support you
I wish you will never give up on life ,
not without a fight
because This DOES NOT have to be
YOUR ENDLESS Path.. ..